The Living Years
by VampLoreLover
Summary: Living forever has it prices. Can Bella say goodbye to one she held dear? Set after BD. AU


_**Fandom Fights Sexual Assault.**_

_Title:_ The Living Years.

_Author:_ VampLoreLover (formerly PeachesButterCup.) .net/u/1344643/VampLoreLover

_Rating:_ M.

Alternate Universe.

_POV:_ BPOV

_Word Count: 4,284._

_Summary: _Living forever has it prices. Can Bella say goodbye to one she held dear?

_Fandom:_ Twilight Saga

**Story submitted for Fandom Fights Sexual Assault**

Disclaimer: *Reluctantly.* I own nothing…Unfortunately. That pleasure belongs to Stephanie Meyer. Although, I do own quite a lot of Twilight merchandise.

**BPOV**

I will remember this day for an eternity. Why do you ask? Because unlike so many other in this world, I will live an eternity. The pain of that day will never fade.

People say you have no real memory before the age of three. That it doesn't really develop until later on. Say if you lost your parents at 2 years, you would never remember them. I always knew I was different. I can remember my younger years as clear as day.

~TLY~

**1989, 2 years old.**

I remember this day significantly, because a year later my whole world changed.

"_I wuv you Mum."_

"_Daddy!" I ran toward my father after my mother had put on my special birthday dress. I flew at him full speed and he scooped me up._

"_My little Belle. Look at you! You look so beautiful." He kissed my forehead and carefully put me down. _

"_Wash Daddy." I yelled in excitement as I spun around in a circle watching my dress fly out around me._

"_Oh, honey, don't spin to fast, you'll get dizzy." He furrowed his brow worriedly._

"_Siwwy Daddy. I pwetty?"_

"_Yes, sweetie. You are the belle of the ball."_

"_Wash." I spun around again, watching in amazement as my dress flew higher the faster I spun. One moment I was looking up at my father's shining eyes, and the next moment I was looking at the ceiling. I cried like any 2 year old would. Loud with fat tears streaming down my face._

"_Oh baby. Come here." Again my Dad scooped me up and I buried my head in his neck and cried harder. "Shh, it's okay. Shh."_

"_For God's sake, don't baby her Charlie!"_

"_She's two years old Renee! She __**is**_ _a baby." I cried harder at their raised voices._

_Charlie ignored Renee and walked me to my room, he placed me in my cot. I had exhausted myself crying. I never did get my birthday celebration. Until Charlie came into my room later and surprised me with our own belated party. I feel asleep, him cradling me to him in the rocking chair._

That happened a lot. I would cry and Renee wouldn't like it, and she just let me cry it out. Charlie couldn't stand to see my cry. He always came to my rescue.

I didn't need anyone else but him. And a year later he was all I had.

**1990, 3 years old.**

_I was getting to big for my cot by now, I got a new bed made with a rail. It didn't help. I always seemed to get out. _

On that day I wish I hadn't.

_I had just stealthily climbed out of my bed and made my way out. First I went to the spare bedroom to see if my Mum was painting, it reduced her 'stress level' I never knew until years later, she did it to get away from me. When I walked in, the whole room was bare. There was no easel; no paints or paint brushes strewn across the room, there were only boxes, neatly put to the side of the room._

_I turned around and made my way to my parent's room. I found him there. My father was sitting on the floor, crossed legged near the bed, crying. I didn't know why, or what to do, so I did what any 3 year old when do when they saw their parent sad. I walked over and sat in his lap and hugged him. _

"_Don't cwy, Daddy. I here."_

_He laughed through tears._

"_Where Mumma?"_

"_She's not here honey. She won't be for a while."_

"_Otay. I wuv you Daddy." _

"_I love you too, Belle of the ball." _

_I didn't know then that he meant she was never coming back._

_~ TLY~_

We managed. It was hard for him sometimes, a single father working as Chief of police. His hours made it difficult. But every hour or day he wasn't working he spent them with me, giving me everything and anything. Some days he would just hug me and say he would never leave me.

I was Daddy's girl. But that didn't mean we didn't fight. We fought alright, but only when I hit my teen years, it got worse. Especially one day when I was cleaning the attic.

**2001, 14 years old.**

I still hate that room.

_Charlie wanted me to go through some old stuff that was stored in the attic. Most of it was my baby things. He wanted me to throw out the stuff I wouldn't want, or would never use. _

_An hour in, I was getting hot and sweaty. Lifting heavy box, after heavy box. I lifted one box that was labeled 'R' I knew that it was some of my mother's old things, what she forget I her haste to get out of here._

_I lifted the lid, and choked on the dust that flew in my throat. I waved my hand around to move the rest out of my face. I took a deep breath before looking inside. I smiled when I saw a picture of my smiling mother after she had just had me. I was wrapped up in a pink blanket, Renee's eyes filled with tears. Charlie's hand placed softly on my newborn head. _

_Keep it._

_I was half way through the box, and had two piles. Keep and throw away. Most of the stuff I kept was baby trinkets and stuff that I had made over the years, and most of my baby stuff, that I could keep for my own children, if I ever had them._

_I grabbed a large photo album out. Isabella Marie Swan was written across it in fancy scroll._

_I stroked the lettering, and opened the cover. The first page was a piece of my hair. Above was written 'the days our lives began. 'Below was the time I was born, my weight, and height._

_I turned the next page, when an envelope flew out and fell to the floor. 'Charlie' was written in my mother's handwriting. I drew in a breath, wondering when this had been written and if Charlie even knew about it._

_I ripped it open, the curiosity getting the better of me._

_Charlie,_

_I'm sorry. I can't stay. I thought I could do it. Be a mother and a wife. I didn't know it would be so hard. _

_I hear her cry at night, and I don't know what to do. I don't move to help her. I don't move to hold her. I can't stand it. I lie there till you realize. Then when you rock her back to sleep? _

_I cry __**myself**__ to sleep._

_I'm not a good mother. When she hurts, I can't stop her crying. You hold her, and she just relaxes in your arms. I'm not supposed to be a mother._

_I was a good wife wasn't I? I thought so._

_I love you, Charlie. I guess I always will. You were my first love._

_I love Bella too, but just not enough, not how much a mother should._

_I'm sorry._

_Take care._

_Love, Renee. _

_I closed my eyes and let the tears fall. She didn't want to be my mother. That's why she left. I felt anger course through me. I pushed the box away roughly and pushed up off the ground and marched downstairs, to where I knew Charlie would be._

_I stood in front of the T.V. He looked around me._

"_DAD! What the hell is this?"_

"_What, Bells?"_

"_This!" He looked up at me and I waved the letter in his face. _

_His face paled. "Where did you find that?"_

"_In the attic. In the box marked 'R.' You know for Renee?"_

"_Belle, you weren't suppose-."_

"_To find it? You were just going to keep hiding it from me?"_

"_She ne-."_

"_Never wanted me? My __**mother**__ never wanted me? Did you even want me?" I felt tears falling down my face._

_He rose from the couch. "Belle please."_

_I put my hand up. "Don't. Nothing you say will change the fact that she left, because of me. I'm the reason, you're heartbroken. I'm the reason that sometimes you cry in the middle of the night. I need to go." I ran for the front door._

"_Isabella, please."_

_I ignored the pain in his voice and swung the door open and left._

_He found me. I didn't go far. I went to the park where he would take me every day. Where he would push the swing, so high that I would feel like I was flying. The slide where he would go down with me because I was too scared._

"_Bells?" He said softly._

"_Did she ever love me?"_

"_Of course. You should have seen her walk around town, so proud that she was having a little girl. And proud she hadn't really gained any baby weight." He chuckled._

"_Do you love me?" I sounded like a three year old._

_He came to sit next to me on the bench. "That is the stupidest question I have ever heard. Of course. You're my daughter."_

"_I was hers too."_

We left it at that. He always said that too me, every chance he got. As I left for school 'I love you' as I left to go grocery shopping 'I love you' I think he thought I would forget. I didn't say it back. Maybe a little part of me feared that he would leave me if I did.

~TLY~

**2004, 17 years old.**

The day my life changed. Forever. Edward Cullen. He irrevocably changed my life the first time I laid eyes on him in that cafeteria and he didn't even know it.

Charlie knew though. I guess parents always do. They know when their only child is growing up, and they know that things will change forever.

I don't think Dad was keen on that, I realized it the first time I told him Edward was coming over.

_Dad was in the kitchen cleaning his shotgun. Why? I never really knew, he wouldn't tell me, but I knew it was to try and scare Edward. _

_Lucky he was indestructible._

"_Bells? Are you sure about Edward? Doesn't he seem a little old?"_

_I tried not to laugh. "He is 17 Dad, like me." Well not really._

_I heard a horn beep from outside. "Okay, I have to get my purse. Please let him in and don't shoot him." I laughed as I ran upstairs; when I came back downstairs Charlie hadn't even let Edward in the door. _

"_Yes. Chief Swan. I will protect her with my life." He literally would, as I would find out later._

"_Bye, Dad." I pushed past him giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, and led Edward out._

"_I l-be careful." I knew what he was trying to say, he only ever got that far every time, I never said it back to him, fear holding me back._

**2005, 18 years old.**

He found me. We were never the same since I found the letter, but again he came to my rescue. My Dad in shining armour. More so when my world fell apart.

"_Bells? Are you okay? You gotta eat something."_

I would have rather die.

"_Bells, please. I don't know what to do."_

"_There's nothing you can do."_

"_Damn it, Isabella!" He pounded the table with his fist. I didn't even flinch. I didn't do anything anymore. "You need help. I saw someone after your mother left, and it helped. You need to move on. I lo—I just want to help. I want my daughter back. He's not coming back."_

_I sharply threw my head up, the look in my eyes, must have told him I didn't want to hear it. He didn't say anything else._

_What Charlie, Edward and I never knew was how utterly heartbreaking it was for us to be apart. I think Charlie figured it out though, how tied to each other we were._

**2006, 18 years old.**

Having Edward propose to me, was probably the best day of my life, aside from the day he came into my life. Charlie was still weary of Edward. He didn't believe his intentions were all good. He thought he would break my heart, again. Telling Charlie that I was getting married, was eventful, I guess you could say.

"_Bella, love. Calm down. He can't hurt me." He rubbed his thumb across my hand._

Said the Vampire.

"_Where is he? He said he would be here." My leg started to jig on its own. Edward laid a gentle hand on it. It ceased immediately._

_I heard the door shut and the clomp of my Dad's work boots._

"_Bells?"_

"_We're in here, Dad."_

"_We're? Who's w-? Edward." He grunted. I rolled my eyes._

_Fathers._

"_Dad. Can you sit down?"_

_He looked at me worriedly before carefully taking a seat. "You're pregnant? Aren't you?"_

"_NO! Dad. No. We're getting married?"_

"_You don't know? Are you or aren't you?"_

"_Yes. We are getting married. Edward and I." I waited while his face changed colour, and waited some more while his eyes darted over to his shotgun having above the fireplace. "I didn't want you to find out from the blabber mouths around town."_

"_Edward, can I talk to my daughter, please?" He nodded, kissed my forehead and went outside. "Are you sure about this, Bells? Marriage is a big step. I think you know."_

"_I know you're worried, Dad. But I love Edward more than I ever thought possible. And he loves me even more than that, if you can believe it. I wasn't supposed to believe in love. She made that impossible. I have trouble even saying those words to Edward. But I know that he will never hurt me, again. Or leave me again. We're meant to be together. You know that Dad. I can't do it without you. I need you there. I need you to give me away. I need one parent who loves me to be there." I could feel tears coming. I didn't mean to bring her up. I didn't want to hurt him, but every word was true._

_His eyes looked glassy. I only ever saw him cry when I was 3. "Of course, I'll be there. I l—I wouldn't miss it for the world."_

_I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Dad." I went to hug him, but it felt so awkward after not doing it for so many years. He reached out and rubbed my shoulder affectionately._

**2006, 18 years.**

I didn't think I could ever love something so much in my life. I was afraid to become a mother. Renee was a part of me and I thought I would be just like her, I hated that thought.

I don't know how I coped. I had Edward throughout the whole thing. But like every girl, I needed my mother. But I didn't want her. I had Charlie. He was quite surprised to meet Carlie. Especially when he found out everything. And I mean everything. But he never looked at me any different. He looked at me how he always had. I was his little girl.

Carlie Esme was the light of my life. And the apple of her Grandpa's eye.

"_So Bells. How is everyone? Tell Alice to come over more, I miss her." He said as he bounced Carlie on his knee. Of course, one Cullen he could never say no too. Well, beside Esme and Rose, I guess._

"_Everyone is fine, Dad." I watched happily as her giggles filled my Dad's tiny loungeroom. "Rose and Emmett are getting married again. So you will have to wear your suit once again. Esme is redecorating some old house she found on the outskirts of town. Rose is rebuilding some car, of course. Alice is Alice. Jasper and Emmett are planning out battle techniques. I have no idea why though. And Edward, well you would know. You and him spend quite a lot of time together you know." Charlie had finally accepted that Edward was staying for good. And when he helped me give him Carlie, I think all was forgotten. Charlie even took to calling him son, and Edward calling him Dad and even though they wouldn't it admit, I know they liked that they had both become so close._

"_What? He has a good eye for fishing." Charlie laughed. And Carlie joined in. I could feel the smile on my face. "I'm glad to see you happy Bells. I missed seeing you smiling. I tried everything I could to get that on your face. I guess I wasn't that good of a parent after, everything." He sadly laughed._

"_Me too, Dad. I know that we haven't been, you know, close, like we used to be. But don't ever think that you weren't a good enough parent. You were the best parent that I could ever ask. You were all I needed. I know I didn't say it a lot, actually I never said. But I do love you, Dad."_

"_I love you too, Bells." _

"_I love you Mama." Carlie piped up and I couldn't help but laugh._

"_I love you too, Angel." _

**Present Day**

"Are you ready, love?" I hear Edward from the doorway.

I sigh. "No, but I have to be. Let's get this over with." I took one last look around the room that had once belonged to my father. I could still smell him, feel him.

I straightened out my dress, and grabbed my husband's hand. I pulled the door shut behind me, and followed Edward downstairs.

When we reached the front door, I let me shield down.

_Edward? I need a minute alone._

He smiled sadly, and kissed me before pulling the door shut on his way out.

I wrapped my arms around myself.

I saw myself running down the hallway, Charlie chasing after me, pleading me to get back in the bath.

What sane kid wants to take a bath?

I saw myself running downstairs, letter from Renee in hand, before screaming at Charlie.

I saw myself spinning around till I was dizzy, my father picking me up, making sure I was okay after I had fallen.

I reached up and wiped the tears from my face. Thanking god that Vampires could cry. I needed it.

"Bella." I heard Edward's soft voice. "We have to go."

"Coming." I said softly.

I took an unnecessary breath.

"I love you Dad. Always have, always will." I spoke to the house.

~TYL~

Forks, Washington was known as a small town, but it had an even smaller cemetery. Rows and rows of people lined the grass and roads to say goodbye to my father. It warmed me to know that he had touched so many people's lives.

I opened the car door slowly, hoping that this was just my imagination and that if I went back to my father's house he would be there. But seeing the tear streaked face of my father's best friend Billy made it all the more real. I walked toward him.

"Bella. I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't your fault. He wouldn't want you to think that it was." I grabbed his hand; he flinched at first, from the sudden cold of my skin, but then relaxed and squeezed my hand back. I kissed his cheek. "Love you, Billy."

"You too, Bella." After everything that happened with Jacob and Carlie, we had all gotten used to the idea that we were tied together now. Family.

I left him, and made my way to where I could see the rest of my family.

I reached out for Carlie and she jumped into my arms. I buried my face in her curls, needing her comfort.

"Bella. We're ready when you are." Carlisle had said to me. He was going to be the priest. He had grown up in the church, and I know my father wouldn't have wanted anyone else.

"Family and friends we are her to celebrate the life of Charlie Geoffrey Swan.

A life taken way before his time.

We all knew who Charlie was. A kind, loving man. A son. A wonderful father. A best friend. A father-in-law. And grandfather.

Charlie was loved by so many as you can see today.

He was a caring soul. When his parents feel ill, needing to stay close to home, he put his dream of college on hold to care for them.

That is how Charlie was. If you were in trouble, he would drop everything to help a friend in need…"

You know how in movies the main always has an out of body experience, and everything around them just fades, just silence. That is me right now. I can see Carlisle's lips moving, but I have no idea what he is saying. I can see people crying. Loved ones holding each other.

My mind is a complete blank. Edward knows this. He squeezes my hand, to let me know he is there. But he is not who I need right now.

I feel a soft, cold hand connect to my cheek, Carlie. My Angel.

She shows me pictures of Charlie, flickers of what he and I have told her. I see something I don't recognize though.

"_Pa. Can you tell me about Mama?"_

"_What do you want to know?"_

"_Everything."_

"_Okay, well you Mama. Where do I start? She is what you are to her. Her baby. Her world. I love your mother more than life itself. Everything I did, I did it for her. I was hers the moment she was born, those big brown, eyes, the ones you have, drew me in. That face. She was beautiful the day I met her. She had me, heart and soul. My Belle of the ball. I love her so much. You make sure you look after her. I won't be here forever. Can you promise me that, little one?_

"_I promise."_

"_Carlie, this is between you and me okay? Mama can never know."_

"_Okay, pa." She smiles brightly._

I could feel the wet trail of a tear fall own my cheek.

_Bella? Love? _ Edward.

"Bella?" I looked up to see Carlisle. "Do you want to say something?"

I nodded.

I got up and took Carlie with me.

Again I took a breath I didn't need. Then I began. "My father wa—. My father was the kindest, most generous man I have ever known. I loved him with all my heart. He was my only, he was the only parent I had, and needed. He was my father when I first met my husband, trying to scare him with his shotgun. He was my mother when I freaked out about boys and sex.

And he was a friend when I needed him to be. He thought that he wasn't good enough. He was more than I could ever ask for. I don't think anybody loved their daughter like Charlie loved me.

Even when we fought, I knew he loved me.

There were so many stilled moments over the years, where I never got the chance to say what I wanted to say.

I hope that this song says it all."

I looked to Alice and nodded for her to press play.

"I love you Dad. I will never forget the love you gave and taught me."

Every generation,  
>Blames the one before,<br>And all of their frustrations,  
>Come beating on your door,<p>

I know that I'm a prisoner,  
>To all my Father held so dear,<br>I know that I'm a hostage,  
>To all his hopes and fears,<br>I just wish I could have told him in the living years,

Crumpled bits of paper,  
>Filled with imperfect thought,<br>Stilted conversations,  
>I'm afraid that's all we've got,<p>

You say you just don't see it,  
>He says it's perfect sense,<br>You just can't get agreement  
>In this present tense,<br>We all talk a different language,  
>Talking in defence,<p>

Say it loud, say it clear,  
>You can listen as well as you hear,<br>It's too late when we die,  
>To admit we don't see eye to eye,<p>

So we open up a quarrel,  
>Between the present and the past,<br>We only sacrifice the future,  
>It's the bitterness that lasts,<p>

So Don't yield to the fortunes,  
>You sometimes see as fate,<br>It may have a new perspective,  
>On a different day,<br>And if you don't give up, and don't give in,  
>You may just be O.K.,<p>

Say it loud, say it clear,  
>You can listen as well as you hear,<br>It's too late when we die,  
>To admit we don't see eye to eye,<p>

I wasn't there that morning,  
>When my Father passed away,<br>I didn't get to tell him,  
>All the things I had to say,<p>

I think I caught his spirit,  
>Later that same year,<br>I'm sure I heard his echo,  
>In my baby's new born tears,<br>I just wish I could have told him in the living years,

Say it loud, say it clear,  
>You can listen as well as you hear<br>It's too late when we die,  
>To admit we don't see eye to eye.<p>

The End.


End file.
